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New Troop: Mosasaurus

How to survive a Mosasaurus attack:

1: Don’t swim in the ocean.
Ninety-nine percent of all Mosasaurus attacks take place in exceptionally large bodies of water also known as oceans. The way to determine if you are currently in an ocean is to taste the water, which should be salty.

2: Listen out for the music.
In the event that you are foolish enough to swim in an ocean, listen carefully for the music. All Mosasaurus attacks are preceded by the “daah-da , daah-da ” chords, which will gradually become more rapid as the Mosasaurus gets closer. This is due to the Doppler Effect.

3: Swim with large slow people.
Try to surround yourself with more appetizing companions. If you know them well, you might even try to switch their suntan lotion with Steak Sauce. This will definitely improve your odds.

4: Don’t go into the water without a knife.
This is not to defend yourself but to stab the person (a.k.a the decoy) closest to you in the case of a Mosasaurus attack. Once you are sure the “decoy” is bleeding profusely…..swim for your life.

5: Don’t panic.
In the event that a Mosasaurus actually bites you, try to remain calm. This really won’t help you survive, but everyone nearby will appreciate you not shrieking madly as you are devoured. Mad shrieking can be quite unsettling.

(Thanks to kickass humor for the inspiration for this one)

New Legendary Troop: Scylla

Scylla is a powerful monster who lives in the islands to the west of Blackhawk. Often appearing as a beautiful spirit-like woman surrounded by wolves, she will rise out of the watery depths to lure unwary sailors onto the rocks. It isn’t certain why she does this – she neither seems to covet their treasure, nor to feed on the sailors bodies. It is believed she may be a daughter of Undine, spurned by her father, who now just angrily takes vengeance on all who cross her path.

One sailor who claims to have survived an encounter with Scylla is Lil’ Johnny Bronze, who insists he threw Jim and Bob, his two Goblin Cabin Boys, over the rail in different directions to distract her wolves while he single-handedly (because that’s the only handed-ness he can do really) threw a large salmon at her and sailed away.

Please note this Event is on the the XBox One, PS4, PC and Mobile versions of the game (yes that’s ALL of them!).

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2 Comments ON " Good Dinosaur "
  • alt_example

    DevilInside December 4, 2017 at 00:58 - Reply

    That’s great! Very funny description y’all

  • alt_example

    DevilInside December 4, 2017 at 00:58 - Reply

    That’s great. Very funny description, y’all.

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